I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
