Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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