How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
