so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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