Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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