perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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