It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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