Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Small penises have feelings too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize