I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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