Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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