I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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