He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
