The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
