The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
