He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So many bounce houses so little time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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