i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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