girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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