i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
