I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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