i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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