if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
