I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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