I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
