i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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