i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
