you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
