She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize