Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
