I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I skipped work to stalk him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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