I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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