I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize