I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
