Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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