if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
