tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
