my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Of course I have a pirate flag
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize