Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
