so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize