The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
