you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
