I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
