if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
