Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
