Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Someone shit on the floor
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
