How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
