dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
