the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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