You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
