if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
