that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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