Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
