Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
whose parrot is this?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
