So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
