I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
