last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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