my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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