Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize