I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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