I need help removing her.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
