lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
