Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
