so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
