my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
