Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
