oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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