Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
