Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you made out with another girl for some wings
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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