puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
