I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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